In my 25 years as a professional matchmaker, the biggest mistake I see repeatedly is over thinking. I get clients that become absolutely paralyzed trying to decide whether to go on a date or not. They dissect every aspect of the match from personality and hobbies to lifestyle and education. I guarantee that there is no way of knowing who you are going to end up with, just by reading some information provided in a profile. I can however tell you with 100% certainty that you will remain single if you don’t take that leap of faith and go on a date. Waiting for “the one” to appear in profile form is never going to happen. People are a sum of many things and it is impossible to translate that to a piece of paper.

Having spent the last 25 years of my life matching people with their life partners, I can usually tell right away if someone is going to be successfully matched.

Recently one of my colleagues and I met a woman who had met someone through our service and was quite happy. Even though she had initially done a phone interview when she joined, she wondered if she could meet Nancy and I in person. So, we planned to meet her in the Lobby of a downtown Toronto hotel.

These days we’re all extremely aware of stranger danger. Including all the pitfalls of meeting someone you don’t know on a blind date. Men will often ask me how they can approach someone with out looking creepy and predatory.

As a professional matchmaker I have some guidelines I tell everyone to follow to keep it light and moving in the right direction.

Over the years as a professional matchmaker I have come to realize what makes a first date successful. I have compiled a simple and easy list for you to follow and keep in mind when preparing for your next first date.

So many people have described modern day dating through the exhausting and fruitless attempts made at finding a real relationship through tinder and bumble like apps.

The problem with these apps are you are relying too heavily on just a photo to help you choose someone with the hopes they will be a lifelong partner.

One of the things that makes dating so hard these days is that we often have first date fatigue caused by the rigours of online dating.

Hiring a matchmaker can make it a more productive experience with less awkward dates that feel more like work than fun and more dates with people that are much closer to what you’re really looking for.

People want that indescribable chemistry that causes you to look at someone and feel your heart skip a beat. Having shared interests, goals and values is important, but finding that attraction that makes you keep trying even when everything else is going wrong, is extremely important.

Part of what a good matchmaker does is not only finding you a good partner, but also coaching you to pick the right one.

Woman will sit across from me and proudly say “I like a bad boy”. Then they proceed to tell me about the various men who have “done them wrong”. Ask yourself, “do I want my life to read like a bad country song”.

When I answer the phone at Misty River Introductions, I’m not always wearing my matchmaker hat, a lot of what I do is relationship coaching.

One of the frequently asked questions is, how do I know if they are right for me?

When you’re dating it is often hard to tell if the object of your affection is in fact head over heels in love with you. You want to make sure you are on the same page when it comes to these feelings.

Here are a couple signs that can help you determine if they are falling or have already fallen in love.

Being a matchmaker and a relationship coach, I can’t even begin to tell you how often I am asked this very question. Usually, this line of questioning will come from someone who recently signed up for our services but unfortunately hasn’t been on a first date in years.

More often than not, my response is, “think of it as a conversation about a subject you know a lot about… yourself”.

Over the years as a matchmaker and relationship coach I have heard stories that would make your hair curl.

Cheating comes in many forms and unfortunately, internet dating has provided a forum for people to behave badly. Hiring a matchmaker is different. As a professional matchmaker I take care of the background work required for all potential matches including; are they who they say they are, do they live where they say they live. This in-depth check is a deterrent for many of the people who might be looking for an extramarital affair.

This is a very tricky question that as a professional matchmaker and relationship coach I get asked on the regular basis. What saddens me the most is when a client has spent years in a relationship, only to find out the other person had no intention of making a long-term commitment.

Most people that come to me to be matched with a life partner are looking for marriage.

As a matchmaker who has been working with widowed people for 25 years I often hear the same reasons people give for not wanting to meet someone new

“My kids would be horrified!”

Although a valid reason, it should not be the reason you are withholding yourself from meeting someone new. Do you really want to spend the next 20-30 years on your own? Even though your kids are a very important part of your life, they should not consult or force the direction of your love life. Do you want to be dependant on them for your social activities? Once they get used to the idea (it may take a while, but I promise they will), they will see how much happier you are with a new “partner in crime”.

When I meet new people in the course of running my matchmaking business, they often site travelling alone as a reason for joining and looking for a new partner. These days, just the price of the single supplement can be daunting. It’s lovely to see new things but if you don’t have someone to share the experience with it’s definitely not the same.

Let’s face it, nobody works 24/7. Having work life balance is integral part of having a happy productive life. Sure, you may love what you do but does it love you back? Is it going to be there for you to grow old with? Can work really be your everything? Trust me when I tell you, they don’t chisel “he was a loyal employee” on your gravestone. It would be better to have “loving husband, father” as something you are remembered for, not “he worked long hours, slept at the office and built an empire, but had no one to leave it to…”

We have all been in relationships that seem like we’re doing all the work. On the other hand Sometimes you have more emotional energy to commit to a relationship than your partner does on a temporary basis.

What about when you’re just dating?

Are you making all the calls? Planning all the dates that are more often than not cancelled? Making all the thoughtful romantic gestures only to have them not appreciated?

I often get sheepish calls from people in their 70’s and 80’s who lead with a self-deprecating “oh, I’m probably way too old for your matchmaking service.”

I can tell you age has no bearing on finding a love relationship. Retirees are one of our very biggest age groups. Love feels the same at any age. People often tell me they can’t believe that they feel like they are 18. They describe butterflies in their stomach and instant chemistry.

I hear so many people say when they meet me for a consultation that they have someone they are interested in but just can’t seem to turn it into a romantic relationship.

As a matchmaker it makes me sad to see people waste months and even years waiting for a romance to materialize. The other really difficult part about watching someone waste time is that these “ possible pairings” will make you unavailable for emotional intimacy with someone new.

As a professional matchmaker this is a question I have 1000’s of times in the last 25 years.

What can make a relationship that looked so promising end so abruptly?

I know I’ve blogged about this on many occasions, but I’ll say it again. Too much, too soon is the death knell on many a relationship.