Misty River Blog - By Linda Miller
What should you talk about on the first date?
As a professional matchmaker I sometimes have clients who never seem to get a second date. One way I can help them is to role play the conversation that goes on during the date. What do they ask? What are they asked and how do they respond?
One of the biggest relationship enders is the monologue. You know… we’ve all had that date. The person that drones on and on about themselves. Sometimes this can be a function of nerves and can be halted by interrupting politely and asking” did you want to know anything about me?”
What makes a strong relationship?
We always hear that strong relationships are based on trust, communication, and honesty. These three things are undeniable fundamentals, but there are many other things that can be found in all successful relationships. After meeting with a matchmaker at Misty River Introductions and finding someone who is compatible with your personality and interests, you may look ahead to finding ways to strengthen your bond with your match. Keep the following key components in mind while building towards a strong, loving bond:
What can turn off men on a date?
If you live in Toronto or Montreal there is a pretty good chance you are from somewhere else. Dating can be confusing in the big city. Sometimes it’s quite different from your home town where you dated your best friends first cousin.
Having years of experience as a matchmaker, I keep telling my female clients: “When it comes to dating, too much enthusiasm can be the death knell”. It’s OK to be enthusiastic, just not about him. Men say they get criticized for dating young women. What they tell me is that young women are more grateful and enthusiastic. When they suggest the Keg for dinner it’s greeted with happiness. Women their own age wrinkle their nose and launch into a diatribe about how the Keg is so pedestrian and predictable.
What makes guys irresistible to women?
Men find going out and meeting women in our current social climate very confusing and intimidating. It’s hard as a man to approach a group of women and ask one to dance. What if she says no? Now you have the long walk back to your friends with your tail between your legs!
The first call to first date
We’ve all had the “date from you-know-where” and heard the horror stories, right?
BUT what happens when you finally meet that special someone who makes your heart pound and your knees weak? What can you do to increase your chances of finding love and happiness and ensure he or she feels the same?
Over the years, I’ve literally seen it all. I’ve counseled people as a professional matchmaker for over 17 years, so let me tell you what works…and what doesn’t! Ready?
The cost of love - Why is matchmaking so expensive?
“Professional matchmaking costs how much?”
This is literally the number one question I hear from clients when they first contact us to help them find their “one and only.” And that’s perfectly ok! The majority of singles are extremely hesitant when it comes to spending money to meet someone, but the reality is the cost of our membership isn’t as high as they think it is and it’s not “spending”…
What a matchmaker can tell you about dating
Simple things are often the most effective yet people discard them as being antiquated ideas in the age of Tinder and internet dating.
Should you text and date?
As a professional matchmaker I often hear sad stories about texting. Everything was going so well! Both people called into our office and were thrilled with the sound of their match. They thought the picture was great and very attractive. It all should have been perfect. And then the angry call. “Take that guy off my list.”
Is it time to step ouf of your dating comfort zone?
Where do you usually go on a date? Movies? Dinner?
Why don’t you try planning a date that will make you stand out and seem special.
Remember on the first season on “the Bachelor” When the NFL guy wrote a poem to Trisha Ren? All the other guys mocked him and make fun of him doing that, but she was touched and felt special. Guess who she married.
Matchmaker tells about the worst dating mistakes
As a professional matchmaker, I know nearly all man’s dating mistakes that are reported by their girlfriends in Montreal and Toronto. Why not to learn from other people’s experience? Here are some simple rules to follow:
How to put your fears aside when dating
I meet a lot of people in the course of my matchmaking that as very nervous and find the prospect of date overwhelming. Sometimes people worry that the other person will notice that their hands are shaking or that their neck and face is flushing.
I had a therapist that told me the best way to deal with dating anxiety is to imagine the worst thing that could happen. He/she could decide they don’t like you,that they think you’re boring/stupid/ugly. OK, harsh but unlikely. You are on a date with them so presumably there was something that intrigued them.
How to dress for a first date
PREPARE YOUR OUTFIT AHEAD OF TIME
A first date can be nerve-wracking enough as it is. Being prepared and feeling comfortable can eliminate a lot of the stress that goes into this. Trying your outfit on the day before and making sure that each part of your outfit is ready (dry cleaned, ironed) will help you feel at ease.
How to be yourself without sending the wrong signals
When I’m giving dating and relationship advice I would never tell someone to pretend to be someone else.
That being said there are some subjects it’s best to avoid. Sex, religion and politics are always taboo on a first date. If you’re working with a good matchmaker they should be able to match you with people who have values that align with yours in these regards.
How reasonable are your expectations about matchmaking
Having been a matchmaker for 21 plus years I think I have seen just about everything.
YOU SHOULD KNOW WHAT YOU WANT, BUT…
I remember early in my career sitting down with a fairly attractive 40 year old woman who had prepared a list for our meeting. “Great” I thought. I love people who come to the interview prepared. Here’s where it got a little weird.
How do you know when you're in love
As a professional matchmaker, I’m always surprised when people reject someone based on chemistry after one short date. We’ve often had people be fairly unimpressed and then after a second date come back and say they think they might have found the one. Think about it. It’s similar to when you meet someone at work and barely notice them but after a month or two of knowing them you have a total crush. Dating can be similar.
How do you recover from a breakup with a work colleague?
Having been and matchmaker and heard every story it’s possible to hear about dating and relationship there is one I hear way too many times. The sad case of someone who can’t get over the ex. This person in every story was bad for them and often bad to them, and yet they’ve wasted years on them and continue to do so!
Are you in a dead end relationship?
As a matchmaker people often corner me at parties to tell me about their relationships. Often people want to tell me about relationship that doesn’t seem to be going in a good direction.
DATING CAN BE CONFUSING
We aren’t meant to spend years as “daters” and as a result with little practice, many of us wonder if we are any good at dating. Maybe the things that are bothering us about our relationship are normal?
Cleaning out the deadwood relationships
You’re making yourself emotionally unavailable to meet someone else. Finding someone can only occur when you’re hungry for companionship. When I say this I don’t mean desperate for love. I mean loneliness breeds opportunity. As an example, have you ever been on a trip by yourself? I’m willing to bet you met more friends on that trip than you ever made when you were part of a couple (and yes even part of a “platonic” couple).
Adopting an attitude for love success
Being successful in love can be approached similarly to being successful in other areas of your life. Whether you’re in an existing relationship or looking for a partner, your attitude will help guide the outcome of the situation. When using a matchmaking service, remember to trust the process above all. Make sure to keep the following things in mind to develop the right attitude for love success:
4 Surefire signs of first date success
There are tales of terrible, horrible, no good, very bad first dates all over the internet. We’ve all heard horror stories about the unrelenting texter, the mama’s boy, breaking into tears over an ex, being seethingly rude to the waitstaff, or faking a heart attack to escape a lame date. Maybe you’ve even experienced some awful first dates yourself. When you work with a professional matchmaking service like Misty River Introductions, get used to a different kind of date. Here are four surefire signs of first date success: