What can turn off men on a date?

If you live in Toronto or Montreal there is a pretty good chance you are from somewhere else. Dating can be confusing in the big city. Sometimes it’s quite different from your home town where you dated your best friends first cousin.

Having years of experience as a matchmaker, I keep telling my female clients:  “When it comes to dating, too much enthusiasm can be the death knell”. It’s OK to be enthusiastic, just not about him. Men say they get criticized for dating young women. What they tell me is that young women are more grateful and enthusiastic. When they suggest the Keg for dinner it’s greeted with happiness. Women their own age wrinkle their nose and launch into a diatribe about how the Keg is so pedestrian and predictable.

MATCHMAKER SAYS: GIVE’EM A BIT OF A CHALLENGE!

Men need to feel the chase and they can’t if you’re not giving them a bit of a challenge. Be delighted when they suggest an activity or a restaurant. If you aren’t given a few days notice, don’t agree to a date. Respond sadly “oh that sounds like so much fun, but I already have plans”. I would love to another time though.

NO ‘BAD’ STORIES

Only relate good stories. The time you got “black out drunk” at your sisters wedding is not a good story. There is plenty of time for him to figure out your negative points after you’re married.

NO ‘SERIOUS’ QUESTIONS

A first date is never the time to relate how many kids you want, what their names should be and how you want to be a stay at home mom. Keep this information to yourself. The argument I get all the time from people who have foolishly done this and not been asked out again is also flawed. You are not required to give someone your expectations on first date. Let someone fall in love with you. Keep in mind men don’t even go there until after they are married. They think about things like how hot you look in that dress, how silky your hair looks, and whether or not you would like to come over and see their etchings.

YOU’RE NOT AN EASY CONQUEST, ARE YOU?

Stay away from his place for the first few dates. If you like him it will be hard for you to resist if you’re on his turf. Again, men like to have to work hard to get what they want. They value you more if you weren’t an easy conquest. It seems simple. Even your Mom will tell you this. I know the arguments, “ what about emancipation?” “Why shouldn’t women be sexual animals too?” I agree in principle. You will however make a better decision in the long run if you make sure your head matches your other parts. Once women are in bed with someone they have trouble being objective.

NO TEXTING

Don’t text. And tell him that! No one has the right to command your time. We have come to accept texting, but it’s really just another way for someone to keep tabs on you or control you. It’s also fraught with misunderstanding and innuendo that you may not be savvy to.

DON’T LET SOMEONE ELSE CHOOSE YOUR PARTNER

Lastly, give people a chance. I don’t know how many times as a matchmaker people have told me about showing their girlfriends a picture of someone they are dating and considering dating and been told they could do better. Really! You’re going to let someone else choose your partner? Would you consider dating one of their husbands or boyfriends? If so, go for it. If not, you really need to make your own decisions. Some men just need a little help in the wardrobe department and are diamonds in the rough. Don’t undervalue someone adoring you. I have a girlfriend in Toronto who couldn’t stand her husband when she met him at work, but after she got to know him she fell in love. They have one of the best marriages I know.