How to put your fears aside when dating
I meet a lot of people in the course of my matchmaking that as very nervous and find the prospect of date overwhelming. Sometimes people worry that the other person will notice that their hands are shaking or that their neck and face is flushing.
I had a therapist that told me the best way to deal with dating anxiety is to imagine the worst thing that could happen. He/she could decide they don’t like you,that they think you’re boring/stupid/ugly. OK, harsh but unlikely. You are on a date with them so presumably there was something that intrigued them.
In my 24 years as a professional matchmaker I have yet to have someone tell me their date’s nervousness was a turnoff. Many time people are delighted by it in fact. Does it mean you like them more, are attracted, not a player? Generally nervousness is intriguing and sexy.
THERE ARE THINGS YOU CAN DO TO MAKE DATING LESS STRESSFUL
Tell yourself you are just meeting someone for a potential friendship. Don’t spend hours on the phone with a potential blind date. To much time talking just amps up the anxiety.
Tell the other up front before you meet them that you are very nervous and will probably be shaking, turning red, etc. They will assume by this that you are not a person who has dated a lot and are therefore more picky and discriminating. It will also serve to relax you by telling the other person the worse case scenario. Don’t forget if they’re looking forward to the date they’ll be nervous too.
Meet doing an activity you enjoy and are good at. This will likely distract you from your nervousness. Like walking the nature trails? Make a date to go for a walk and a picnic. (Make sure it’s in a well-populated area if you don’t know the person however.)
TAKE A FRIEND
Tell your date you would feel more comfortable meeting with a friend. Many people are OK with this. If he/she is not then they’re not for you.
ASK YOUR DATE QUESTIONS ABOUT THEMSELVES
People love to talk about the subject they know best and this will give you the needed time to relax and loosen up.
Remember as single people we all have fears and insecurities. As nervous and stressed as you are they are likely in the same boat. Dating and finding a life partner is worth it and the fears will get easier to handle with more practice! Misty River Introductions provides matchmaker services all over Ontario, we can help you overcome your fears and get back into dating overdrive!
