Simple things are often the most effective yet people discard them as being antiquated ideas in the age of Tinder and internet dating.
If you’re a woman you must be pursued and courted. Men like the chase. Yes your mother told you that and she was right. How can you be the pursued and not the pursuer?
Women don’t call men. They don’t respond to texts unless they are married to the person on the other end. Men call women. I used to advise against this as a matchmaker due to the safety issues surrounding identifying women and their identities being linked with a phone number. With the advent of the cell phone women can give out their cell phone numbers and block their identity. This allows the men to do the calling. Psychologically this puts the women in the position of being pursued and the man as the pursuer. People subconsciously value what they have to “work” at. The more value he places on you the longer and stronger the relationship will be.
As a professional matchmaker and owner of Misty River Introductions I am often asked about who should pay the bill when out on a date. What people don’t understand is a meal is not just a meal. It’s a primitive symbol. Don’t mess with it. When a man offers to pick up the bill he is saying many things. He is saying “ I Can provide”, he is saying “ I like you”. Part of courting is feeding. When you hurry to grab the bill away from him you are saying “ I’m not interested”, you are saying “ I don’t need anything from a man or a relationship”. Men need to be needed. Women need too be needed too but in a different way. This is not sexist; this is simply the way things are. It doesn’t mean that the man always has to pay. The women that come to Misty River Introductions for matchmaking are usually able to pay their own way.
This morning when working in the office, I had a male client call in. I saw that he had a match on his file and I asked him if they had met. He said they had but that he thought she was playing games. I asked him what had happened. He said they had met and had a great time and at the end of the date he asked if she wanted to come to his place for dinner later in the week. She apparently said yes and then when he went to call her the next day she wasn’t picking up. I asked him why on a second date he would invite her to his house for dinner. That’s a clear indication to any woman in this day and age that he wants her to come over and go to bed with him. He seemed shocked when I said this to him but I think he may have been pretending. He said “ Well she said yes when I asked her”. I told him that was just because she was probably trying to get away from him! If you’re on the internet trolling for sex maybe you get away with that kind of disrespect, but we are matchmakers and people are looking for long term. The women that come to us are respectable and the kind of women you marry, not “hook-up” with. The first four to five dates should take place in the public domain. If you don’t like them enough to make this kind of commitment it’s probably not a match for you.
A good rule of thumb for men is that you keep your hands to yourself until she touches you. Wondering whether a kiss is called for? Did she reach across to touch your hand at dinner? Did she take your arm when you walked to the car? A man once told me that he knew it was safe to kiss someone when she had first touched him. I think this is probably right.
As a professional matchmaker I have had years of experience running Misty River Introductions and know what works. People will say my advice is antiquated or sexist but I know what works. Times haven’t changed even though our methods of meeting people have.