06 Jun What should you talk about on the first date?

As a professional matchmaker I sometimes have clients who never seem to get a second date. One way I can help them is to role play the conversation that goes on during the date. What do they ask? What are they asked and how do they respond?

One of the biggest relationship enders is the monologue. You know… we’ve all had that date. The person that drones on and on about themselves. Sometimes this can be a function of nerves and can be halted by interrupting politely and asking” did you want to know anything about me?”

What kind of questions make for the best dates?

One of the best ones I heard heard was “ so, you’re at the pearly gates and St Peter says “OK, John you’ve had a good life but this is it. I can play you one last track to send you off, what do want to hear?” This was asked by a Musician I went on a date with. It told me a lot about the him. It was clever and thought provoking but also said on a more subtle level that music was where it was for him. Our life together would have a soundtrack. Sadly music is not my passion but I will say he was a fun date.

Interview-like grilling is a huge turn-off. I had one 35 year old client who said he was sick of first dates that were like job interviews. He wanted to feel like he was having fun with someone for at least one date before he has to list his intentions, his income, his plans for children and retirement plans! Remember being fun and having fun is the key to another date. Dating shouldn’t feel like work.

Ask people open ended questions

Do you like to travel? What’s the most fun place you’ve ever traveled to? Rather than a one word reply you will get a story and that person will relive those good feelings in your company.

Practice being a good listener. Some people will ask a question but then are just obviously waiting for their turn to jump in with story. Be an active listener. Make comments on what they are telling you. More information can be gained by waiting patiently for someone to tell you about themselves rather than jumping in to fill every uncomfortable silence. At Misty River Introductions we provide professional matchmaking services.