Having been and matchmaker and heard every story it’s possible to hear about dating and relationship there is one I hear way too many times. The sad case of someone who can’t get over the ex. This person in every story was bad for them and often bad to them, and yet they’ve wasted years on them and continue to do so!
I often wonder why people who have had a terrible break-up with someone at work continue to work in the same place. They cry over the phone as they tell me about the new girlfriend he has and all her faults. I feel like crying for them when I think about all the money they spent to hire me when they’re never going to be successful because they can’t be honest with them selves and make the break. They still have late night conversations with him about his angst over the new project at work, the girlfriend who isn’t much of a housekeeper and the dilemma about how he’s going to get his dry-cleaning picked up in time and who’s going to watch the cats for him when he’s away in the Poconos this weekend. Guess who?
When you’re on a date with someone who is actually good and you’re ex comes up, change the subject. Your stock answer should be “ he was a nice person we just weren’t suited.” Even if it makes you throw up a little in your mouth, that is the answer, the only answer. That answer that will get you another date. Dates are not therapists. Sisters, best friends and even co-workers can be therapists; dates can not be unless you’re a fan of the one and done date.
As a wise woman once said, the only way to get over a man is to meet another. I think she had the right idea. You will need to be harsh with yourself. Don’t drive by his or her house, talk to his or her family or friends and frequent your old favourite restaurants. Yes, I know you don’t do that (ha,ha).
Bad mouthing a ex will just make the new guy/girl think you have bad judgement and will give him or her an excuse to treat you in a similar manner. It also lets them know you were dumped. This is not a great position of power.