06 Jun Cleaning out the deadwood relationships
Deadwood Relationships Preventing You From Finding Real Love
People argue with me all the time about my theories on this but having spent 20 odd years as a relationship coach and matchmaker I know I’m right. The usual argument goes like this. We’re just friends. It’s totally platonic. We’re just keeping each other company till the right one comes along.
You’re making yourself emotionally unavailable to meet someone else. Finding someone can only occur when you’re hungry for companionship. When I say this I don’t mean desperate for love. I mean loneliness breeds opportunity. As an example, have you ever been on a trip by yourself? I’m willing to bet you met more friends on that trip than you ever made when you were part of a couple ( and yes even part of a “platonic” couple).
Perception can often be more important than reality. When someone sees you with a companion of the opposite sex they can’t differentiate what kind of relationship it is, they just perceive you as being matched. People who are alone are more approachable because they are viewed as being less likely to reject and overture of interest. There is less perceived risk in approaching. That is true whether you are in a group of other women or with a man. It’s hard putting yourself in vulnerable positions(ex. Going to a concert on your own) but the chance of making connections is exponentially higher.
People of the same sex can also be jinxing your ability to attract a mate. What about the married friend who’s living vicariously through your single life? He doesn’t want you’re life of dating but he’s titillated by your stories. Don’t let that guys admiration be your downfall. He didn’t want to date forever either otherwise he’d be out doing it.
Likewise what about all those married women friends you’ve been accumulating? Women that are single need to find themselves single girlfriends to hang out with. When you go out with married women you are not attending the events that single men frequent. I’m not saying cut them out of your life, just spend less time with them on the weekend when the possibility for love are amplified if you go to the right places. At Misty River Introductions we provide professional matchmaking services to bring couples together.
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